The Ideal Parent

Is there anything like ideal parenting?
Certainly not.

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for anything in life. Take it from beauty to success—every aspect varies.

You may have seen siblings, raised by the very same parents in the very same environment, turn out to be two completely different persons. Their mindset, values, and life aspirations can even be opposite. In contrast, you can see yourself and one of your friends from the other side of the world sharing the same mindset.

There are numerous articles and videos over the internet informing different parenting styles. But how do I know what will work for me?

Actually, this is my question too. So, let’s find out together.

First, let’s get an overview of the parenting styles and their perspectives, followed by the pros and cons.

The classification of parenting styles was primarily developed by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s. She identified 3 main styles:

  1. Authoritative Parenting
  2. Authoritarian Parenting
  3. Permissive Parenting
Later, Maccoby and Martin expanded the theory:
4. Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting

And later on, we came to know about:

5. Helicopter Parenting (Overprotective)

Authoritative Parenting:

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style where parents are loving and supportive, but also set clear rules and expectations. They listen to their children, explain reasons behind rules, and encourage independence.

Real-Life Behaviors and Their Effects

  • Setting Rules with Explanations
    Behavior: “You can play video games after homework because school comes first.”
    Effect: Children learn self-discipline and understand why rules matter.

  • Listening to a Child’s Opinion
    Behaviour: “I understand you’re upset about bedtime. Let’s discuss a 10-minute compromise.”
    Effect: Kids feel respected, improving communication and cooperation.

  • Praising Effort, Not Just Results
    Behaviour: “I’m proud of how hard you studied, even if your grade wasn’t perfect.”
    Effect: Builds confidence and motivation, not just fear of failure.

  • Consistent Consequences with Kindness
    Behaviour: “Because you broke the screen-time rule, no tablet tomorrow. Let’s talk about how to fix this.”
    Effect: Teaches accountability without harsh punishment.

Result:
Children raised with authoritative parenting tend to be responsible, independent, and emotionally secure.

Authoritarian Parenting:

Authoritarian parenting is a strict parenting style where parents focus on obedience, rules, and discipline, often without explaining the reasons behind their rules. They expect children to follow instructions without questioning them.

Real-Life Behaviors and Their Effects

  • Demanding Blind Obedience
    Behaviour: “Clean your room now—no questions asked!”
    Effect: Children may follow rules out of fear, not understanding, which can lead to resentment or rebellion later.

  • Harsh Punishments for Mistakes
    Behaviour: “You got a B? No TV for a month!”
    Effect: Kids become anxious about failure, hide mistakes, and may develop low self-esteem.

  • Ignoring a Child’s Feelings
    Behaviour: “Stop crying! Boys don’t act like that.”
    Effect: Children suppress emotions, which can hurt their ability to express feelings or build healthy relationships.

  • One-Way Communication
    Behaviour: “Because I said so—end of discussion!”
    Effect: Kids don’t learn problem-solving or critical thinking and may become either passive or defiant.

Result:
Children raised with authoritarian parenting often struggle with self-confidence, may fear authority figures, or act out aggressively when not supervised.

Permissive Parenting:

Permissive parenting is a lenient style where parents avoid setting strict rules, act more like a friend than an authority figure, and prioritize their child’s happiness over discipline.

Real-Life Behaviours and Their Effects

  • No Clear Rules or Consequences
    Behaviour: “Sure, stay up all night playing games—it’s your choice!”
    Effect: Kids struggle with self-control and routines (like sleep or homework) and may develop a sense of entitlement.

  • Giving In to Tantrums
    Behaviour: A child screams for candy at checkout; parent sighs and buys it to avoid a scene.
    Effect: Teaches children that misbehaviour leads to rewards, encouraging more outbursts.

  • Overindulgence Without Limits
    Behaviour: “You want a third slice of cake? Okay, just don’t tell Dad!”
    Effect: Can result in poor impulse control, unhealthy habits, and difficulty managing frustration.

  • Avoiding Conflict at All Costs
    Behaviour: “I know you skipped school, but I don’t want to argue—just don’t do it again.”
    Effect: Children don’t learn accountability or respect for boundaries.

Result:
While kids raised in permissive households may be creative and emotionally expressive, they often lack discipline, struggle with authority, and are more likely to show impulsive or risky behaviour, especially during the teen years.

Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting:

Uninvolved (or neglectful) parenting is a hands-off style where parents provide little guidance, emotional support, or supervision. They may meet basic needs (food, shelter) but are generally detached, indifferent, or overwhelmed by their own lives.

Real-Life Behaviours and Their Effects

  1. Emotional Absence and Lack of Engagement
    Behavior:
    Rarely asking about the child’s day, feelings, or struggles.
    Ignoring a child’s achievements (e.g., not attending school events).
    Effect:
    Child feels unloved or invisible, leading to low self-worth.
    May seek validation in unhealthy ways (e.g., risky relationships).

  2. Minimal Supervision or Rules
    Behavior:
    A 10-year-old stays home alone nightly with no bedtime or meal checks.
    No curfew for a teenager (“Come home whenever”).
    Effect:
    Poor decision-making (e.g., substance use, skipping school).
    No sense of safety or structure → anxiety or recklessness.

  3. Prioritizing Their Own Needs Over the Child’s
    Behavior:
    A parent spends all free time working/drinking/on hobbies, ignoring the child.
    Forgetting birthdays or medical appointments.
    Effect:
    Children learn they can’t rely on adults, leading to premature independence.
    May parent younger siblings (a role-reversal called “parentification”).

  4. Physical Neglect (In Extreme Cases)
    Behavior:
    Not ensuring clean clothes, regular meals, or hygiene (e.g., unwashed hair, cavities).
    Leaving young kids to fend for themselves.
    Effect:
    Developmental delays (social, academic, or health problems).
    Higher risk of depression or attachment disorders.

Helicopter Parenting (Overprotective):

Helicopter parenting is a high-control, high-involvement style where parents closely monitor and often micromanage their child’s life to avoid discomfort, risk, or failure. While rooted in love and protection, this approach can unintentionally hinder the development of independence.

Real-Life Behaviors and Their Effects

  1. Micromanaging Daily Tasks
    Behavior:
    Packing a 10-year-old’s backpack every morning
    Contacting teachers to dispute a B+ grade
    Effect:
    Kids develop learned helplessness and lack self-reliance
    Increased anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of mistakes

  2. Overriding the Child’s Choices
    Behavior:
    Choosing friends or activities “for their own good”
    Forbidding sleepovers out of “what-if” fears
    Effect:
    Low autonomy—struggles with decision-making later in life
    Builds resentment or leads to secrecy (e.g., lying)

  3. Shielding from Consequences
    Behavior:
    Always delivering forgotten homework
    Intervening in playground or classroom disputes
    Effect:
    Children avoid accountability and blame others
    Poor conflict resolution and emotional coping skills

  4. Excessive Worry and Over-Caution
    Behavior:
    Banning bike rides due to safety fears
    Tracking teen’s location 24/7 with apps
    Effect:
    Kids become risk-averse, avoiding challenges
    Stunted resilience—struggle under pressure or real-world stress

Long-Term Outcomes
Pros :

  • Feel secure and supported

  • Often achieve well in structured environments (e.g., academics)

Cons :

  • Anxiety or depression from high expectations

  • “Failure to launch”—difficulty with adult tasks (jobs, finances, relationships)

  • Develop entitlement, expecting the world to accommodate them like parents did

Final Insight
Helicopter parenting comes from a place of love, but overprotection can create underprepared children. The goal is not to remove every obstacle—but to equip kids to climb over them confidently.

Here comes the most important question:
What will be the best parenting style for you?

Maybe you have got some idea from the classification. To help you a bit more, here’s a guideline:

1. Set Your Goal:

Children are mirrors of what they observe. First, set the qualities you want to develop in your child. Let’s take some classic examples:

  • Screen Time :Most parents want their child to have very little screen time. To build this quality in them, the other members of the family, especially the parents, should reduce their screen time. Try not to scroll in front of your child, from a very early stage.

  • Rise Early :If you want your child to be an early riser, rise 30 minutes earlier than them and do some fun activities like gardening or exercising with them.

  • Do not raise a Copmplainer :If you want your child to be a doer rather than a complainer, never use sentences like “Why does this happen to us?” or “Why me every time?”

  • Scholar :If you want them to enjoy studying, give them storybooks, build a library, and read with them.

  • Leadership :If you want to build leadership skills in them, start by asking them their opinion in daily life. Let them make small decisions. Rectify if there is anything wrong in their thinking with proper reasons.

  • Honesty :If you want them to speak the truth, first try to make it easy for them. Tell them you won’t scold them if they tell you the truth.

2. Be a Trustworthy Friend:

Everything becomes much easier when you have a clear idea of what is going on in their mind. The best way to know that is to talk to them openly. Listen to them—listen to everything, from how the school was to whom they like. Give feedback but do not judge. Give suggestions when they ask for them, just like the friend they always want. And yes, they are very serious about their secrets, so keep the secrets to yourself (ha ha ha).

3. Do Not Fight with Your Partner:  

It is obvious that your opinion and your partner’s won’t match all the time. Try to resolve it by talking in person. Do not fight in front of your child, not even in your room—trust me, they know if you were fighting. Disputes between parents leave long-lasting effects on children. Your child might hate one or both of you, which certainly we do not want.

4. Mutual Respect:

You must have and show mutual respect. You may disagree on many things but not in front of the kid. Maybe one of you is wrong at a given time, but rectify it in the absence of the kid. Disrespecting or proving your partner wrong or making fun of them can make your child biased or devalue the parent.

5. Adoptation:

Have you noticed how the relationship with your parents has changed from caregiver to friend? From someone who barely gives permission to go out at night to someone who encourages you to take the biggest business risk? Your journey is going to be just like that. You have to observe your child and then decide what will be best for them—and act like that.

Final Thought

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent—only a present one. Parenting isn’t a fixed formula, it’s a journey of love, patience, and learning. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll question yourself. But every time you choose to listen, to understand, to show up—that’s when you’re being the parent your child truly needs.

In the end, it’s not about choosing the “right” style, but about raising a child who feels seen, heard, and deeply loved. And remember, your child doesn’t need a flawless parent—they just need you, growing and learning alongside them.

Let Edokid walk with you on this beautiful, sometimes messy, always meaningful path of parenting. Because raising a child isn’t just about shaping a future—it’s about building a bond that lasts a lifetime.

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